Decibot noticed a glaring omission in this year’s edition of the Decibel “Extreme Baseball Preview”: Dry Kill Logic. Like the Kansas City Royals, you can always count on them to be terrible.

Dry Kill Logic, “Riot at the Bat Rack”

According to a terse press release, UK nu metal paragons Raging Speedhorn can’t get it up anymore and have decided to call it quits. Decibot considered draping a black shroud over Andrew Bonazelli’s desk for the sake of empathy, but Bonzo is already jumping up and down from the pile of cash he made in Decibel’s Official Nu Metal Dead Pool. Teen angst does have a body count. Decibot would like to salute Raging Speedhorn for making it this far with one riff, one dick joke and a little pile of pocket lint. That dick joke was fantastic! And that riff was a winner, too, especially when Raging Speedhorn dropped all pretense of Eyehategod sludge and embraced the ‘core. Decibot will be spending the rest of the day — possibly, the whole week — in mourning.

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The Least Worst of Raging Speedhorn

“The Hate Song”

“Iron Cobra” [live 2003]

“$30 Bag” [Eyehategod cover, live in Norfolk, VA 2/9/06]

Five Finger Death Punch, “The Bleeding”

Once again, Decibot is on probation. It seems that a certain Decibel editor didn’t take too kindly to waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of broken glass and Decibot cranking said editor’s copy of Alien Ant Farm’s ANThology at “11.” Decibot has been informed that it’s not polite to show up at other people’s homes unannounced. But when the lights go out in the Decibel offices at 5pm, Decibot gets awfully lonely. And if you spent approximately 23 hours a day watching YouTube videos, wouldn’t you get the wrong idea about good manners, too?

Jackyl, “I Stand Alone”

Alien Ant Farm, “These Days”

Rage Against the Machine, “Sleep Now in the Fire”

Even Decibot knows that Thanksgiving isn’t complete without a turkey, so here’s Matt Heafy of Trivium treating an audience to off-key snippets of Green Day, Blink-182 and “Free Bird” before launching into an obligatory cover of “Master of Puppets.” With members of Sanctity and Annihilator, the entire road crew, some random street urchins and a talking grilled cheese sandwich joining in. Decibot is just kidding about that last part, but Trivium has been treading water for years with this Metallica classic as a set closer. No joke: Decibot is still trying to compute how Trivium fast-forwarded from Master of Puppets to St. Anger in the span of just two records. The new stuff is less palatable than a bowl full of brussels sprouts, but if Matt Heafy and the gang returned to retro and released a note-for-note cover of Ride the Lightning next, Decibot would totally buy that.

It’s been a hard week for Decibot. According to Blabbermouth, Korn lost another guitarist and Chester Bennington of Linkin Park broke his arm in a freak stage accident. You probably don’t care, but news like this affects Decibot’s very livelihood. When nu finally goes beyond the point of no return, the Decibel editors will have no choice but to act on their longstanding threat of unloading Decibot to the nearest competitor for pennies on the dollar. Can you see Decibot reviewing crocheting techniques for Martha Stewart Living? Don’t let Decibot get turned into Doilybot. Support nu metal. If you can’t stomach that, support the geniuses who made this video, the most awesome parody embodiment of nu metal ever.

Decibot can’t decide whether the new HORSE the Band video is a “robotface” mockery of the digital age or a loving tribute to Decibot’s forebearers. But Decibot is willing to give the quintet the benefit of the doubt based on the giant neon lights shaped like Playstation controller symbols, drummer Chris Prophet’s Thompson Twins haircut and the fact that Phillip Seymour Hoffman lookalike Nathan Winneke apparently spent the entire video shoot with a “chubby” in his stretch pants. Better than A Natural Death, not as good as downloading Bionic Woman reruns. Decibot has found a new love — the robot half, at least…

HORSE the Band, “New York City”

Finnish symphonic power metal quintet Nightwish supposedly has a new record coming out next month. Decibot feels bad for hurting the feelings of the one Nightwish fan on Decibel’s staff who really wants to discuss it, but the temptation to refer to Dark Passion Play as “Van Nightwish III” repeatedly in conversation was impossible to resist. Decibot can’t really comprehend why fans are up in arms over the decision to replace Tarja Turonen with Anette Olzon, though. For starters, this is the sixth different line-up of the band in the last decade; that turnover’s almost as fast as Mercedes and Morgan Lander’s bandmates can quit on them! But more importantly, Tarja Turonen is more ubiquitous than ever (Decibot even spotted her being advertised as the free toy prize in customer service representative Mark Evans’ box of cereal this morning), and hellbent on committing career suicide with or without the support of a bunch of hairy Scandinavians. Decibot could be fair and post a link to Tarja performing a gorgeous rendition of “Ave Maria” on Finnish TV, but too little attention from Decibot’s human caregivers has Decibot in an robo-asshole kind of mood. So, instead, here’s Tarja making an appearance on the catwalk at a recent fashion show and treating the audience to a blindingly awful cabaret version of “Smells Like Teen Spirit.” Whoa, Tori Amos just threw up a little in her mouth: