Still no word on a US release date for the Swiss historical epic Anuk - Der Weg Des Kriegers (The Path of the Warrior). Quick Hollywood-style pitch on what you’re missing: it’s like Braveheart meets Clan of the Cave Bar meets Dances with Wolves meets Passion of the Christ, but with tons of hairy dudes in thongs and Mark Storace of Krokus and Doro Pesch in the lead roles. Holy shit, this movie is never going to come out! Still, watching a bunch of well-preserved power metal warriors engaging in Conan cosplay doesn’t sound so bad when the reward is Doro in various states of boner-worthy undress. Storace and Doro collaborated on the movie’s theme, which totally sounds like Roxette, but whatever, it still rules. As a special bonus, the video appears after the movie’s trailer in this 2-for-1 clip. Schwing!

While Axl Rose continues his plastic surgery self improvement project, we can’t help but think of the happy times, the simpler times. You know, like when Axl was content to just vent his frustration at his bandmates, tee off on Kurt Cobain and “alternative music,” and stop at every performance to admonish audience members for their poor manners. Since you’re wasting your time waiting for Chinese Democracy to stick to the New Release schedule anyway, why not kill a little time browsing YouTube for Axl’s most embarassing meltdowns. Here’s a couple of our favorite 99% dolphin-free clips:

San Francisco, CA 2006

Axl stops show during lazy rendition of “Sweet Child O’ Mine” to have drunken lout escorted out. Remind us: when did he start getting along with venue security? Choice quote: “If you think you’re a bigger asshole than me, you’ve got something to learn.”

Buenos Aires, Argentina 1992

Axl reacts, uh, poorly after someone lobs what looks like a Glade air freshener at his head and calls for a translator to join him on the stage. “Do you think this is fucking funny?” Yes, yes it is.