OK, I didn’t say anything when a disc from Hemlock showed up in my mailbox and it turned out not to be from the black metal Hemlock from New York City with Dan Lilker (as “Balth”) but from some guys who wear Hatebreed shirts. To be fair, how many people have heard the black metal Hemlock, who also had vocalist Lino Reca, formerly of The Dying Light and currently in Villains? Thanks to the Internet, at least five or six more, ’cause here’s “We Attack, We Fight, We Win,” from their 1997 split with Black Army Jacket.

So I was going to let the Hemlock thing go until this hit my inbox:

In other news, in case you hadn’t heard, a revolution has happened in modern music - a revolution in the shape of a band. That band is, of course, TRAGEDY - the tri-state area’s #1 metal tribute to the Bee Gees.

YOUR STUPID FALSE IRONY/NOVELTY COVER BAND IS NOT FUCKING TRAGEDY. TRAGEDY FROM PORTLAND IS FUCKING TRAGEDY. THE AWESOME ONE WITH THE GUYS FROM HIS HERO IS GONE AND DEATHREAT. THE ONE WHOSE LP NERVE DAMAGE SCORED A 9 IN ITS DECIBEL REVIEW AND RANKED AT #9 IN OUR TOP 40 ALBUMS OF 2006. THAT’S TRAGEDY, FUCKERS. YOU ARE NOT TRAGEDY SO STOP CALLING YOUR DUMB HIPSTER NOVELTY ACT FUCKING TRAGEDY. I BET YOU’RE NOT EVEN FUNNY AND THE PEOPLE WHO GO SEE YOU (IF ANY) ARE DOUCHEBAGS WHO NEVER GO TO ANY ACTUAL METAL SHOWS BUT WILL GO SEE SHIT LIKE THIS AND BEATALLICA (WITH WHOM THE SHITTY FAKE TRAGEDY ARE PLAYING SOON) AND THOSE OTHER WEAK “METAL PARODY” BANDS THAT DOUCHEBAGS GO TO SEE.

Thanks for reading, everybody!

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